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2020.07.10 20:24 LauraVi 💎THE RESULTS: r/RomanceClub Community Survey!💎

💎THE RESULTS: RomanceClub Community Survey!💎
First of all, thank you very much to everyone who took part in the second ever Reddit Romance Club community survey! We mods were absolutely amazed by the high number of responses, so thank you for making this such a vibrant and engaged community! You all rock.
After grinding the (many) numbers, here are the results, which we hope you will find as interesting as we did.
Just a note: this survey was opened at the end of May and closed shortly after the June release, hence its questions only barely included Legend of the Willow and did not include Dracula: a Love Story. For this reason, we have not counted the (very few) replies that have been given in the "other" boxes mentioning characters that were not yet available as Lis/known as LIs in the May release (think Leo, Vlad, Kazu etc) as this would have not been fair to those who had answered the survey before the June update.
Having said that... buckle up for the ride! Lots of interesting info ahead.

💎Question 1: Which RC story is your favourite?

No one will be surprised to find out that Heaven's Secret is the top story in this community right now, chosen by over 45% of the respondents. Our nostalgic heart is very happy, however, to see some old favs still make the podium - albeit trailing significantly behind. Moonborn and Shadows of Saintfour score second and third place, only separated by a handful of votes at around 11%, but newer release Chasing You is already breathing on their neck at 10.7%.
A healthy mix of new and old stories follows: Sails in the fog is in fifth place with 7.8% of the preferences, while Legend of the willow, after only a few episodes, already scores a very good sixth place, in a tie with Seduced by the rhythm at 4.3% of the votes. Queen in 30 days is seventh with 3.5% and My Hollywood Story is eighth with 1.2%.
Last place goes to Wave Patrol at 0.4%, which sadly doesn't come as a shock given the general feeling that the romantic/reputation points system was too complicated.

💎Question 2: Who are your favourite LIs?

HS being the most popular story unsurprisingly propels some of its main LIs onto the podium with supersonic speed.
Bad boys rule, with Lucifer taking the crown with a whopping 65.7% of the votes and Alexander (CY) taking silver at 49.3%. The nice guys are not too far behind, though, with Dino in third place at 47.4% and Max (MB) only just about missing the podium in fourth place at 45.3%. We go back to bad boys with Brandon (SBR) in fifth, but soft spoken Sam (CY) is ready to balance things out again with his sixth place.
The most surprising result on top of the rankings is Jake (WP) who makes the top ten with a very healthy seventh place. He is really hard work, but obviously we all think he's totally worth it!
Old favourites Michael (SOS) and Victor (MB) still hold onto the hearts of their fans by scoring eight and ninth place respectively. First among the women - and the only female LI to make the top 10 - is the delightfully devilish Mimi (HS).
Waves' mate Sebastian misses the top ten only by a hair, placing himself in 11th place with a healthy 20.7%. Bodyguard Adam is the most favourite LI in Q30 in 12th place, followed by a row of SOS boys, with John, Derek and Aaron scoring very similar percentages in 13th, 14th and 15th place respectively. Sweetheart Ray is no longer the most favourite LI to come out of MHS, as in this round he ends up in a tie for 16th place with none other than his almost polar opposite, rough and ready Captain Jeff.
Leonard from Q30 (17th place) ties with Cherry from SOS but at least he beats his brother Richard (20th place) in the heart of the readers - and we all know that he'd be pretty pleased with that. Claire (SBR) is the second most favourite female LI in 18th place, while mysterious Luke (SOS) completes the top 20 in 19th place.
Here are the rest of the Lis who placed lower than the top 20:
(21) Carlos (SBR) 9.2%
(22) Justin (SBR) 8.6%
(23) Benny Bart (MB) 8.4%
(24) Tarino (MHS) 8.1%
(25) Gino (MHS) tied with Stephanie (SOS) at 7.8%
(26) Dante (MB) 6.9%
(27) Andy (HS) 6.3%
(28) Mike (MHS) 6.1 %
(29) Alek (WP) tied with Dante (CY) at 5.9%
(30) Kayla (WP) 5.3 %
(31) Alex (MHS) 3.9%
(32) Chris (SIF) 3.4%
(33) Frances (MB) 3.2%
(34) William (SIF) 3.1%
(35) Trisha (MB) 2.6%
(36) Charles (SBR) 2.1%
(37) Orlando (SBR) 1.8%
(38) Chris the bodyguard (MHS) tied with Adi (HS) at 1.6%
(39) Ellen (MHS) tied with Manta (SIF) at 1.2%
(40) Masked Man (SOS) 1.1%
(41) Ellia (CY) 0.8%
(42) Mermaid (SIF) 0.6%
(43) Simon (MB) 0.4%
(44) Charles (WP) tied with Emma (Q30) and Jackie (SIF) at 0.2%.
These lower rankings include some LIs that, based on the discussions we see on the subreddit, we were not expecting to get as many votes as they did - and vice versa. Dante from CY has more votes than Orlando from SBR? And Chris the bodyguard (MHS) beat the Masked Man (SOS)? Say what... Also: Jackie (SIF) definitely deserved a lot more votes! We might have to start a hashtag or something.

💎Question 3: Which non-LI character you’d romance in a heartbeat?

Here are the top 15 most desired LIs in this community:
To absolutely no one's surprise, Geralt (HS) takes the top spot with 39.1% of the readers eager to unbuckle his sexy neck belts at the first occasion. Dreamy Xander from MB takes a very respectable second place with 23.2%: we will forever long for his full lips and crisp linen suit. Another MB favourite, Prince Ethan Wood completes the podium with his Matrix-style coat and intense eyes, but sassy and sexy demon Austie (HS) is not very far behind in fourth place.
Vampires Dustin Chase in fifth place and - although at quite a distance - Sophia in sixth join the ranks of the many LIs who sadly never were in MB. Cute lifeguard Zoey from WP ranks seventh, and no worries if you don't remember who she is: her screen time was about 5 minutes total - but enough to end up in a tie with angelic mentor Misselina from HS. Frenemy Candy from SOS makes eighth place, while evil stunner Monica from MB clutches ninth. To complete the top 10 is no one else but grumpy Angel Fencio (HS) - we obviously all want him to show us his collection of talismans - tied with Bean from MHS, who sadly had the audacity to get married to someone else.
In 11th place is SOS great friend Bobby, whose bravery in the face of untold horrors gave him a special place in all our hearts, in a tie with another WP lifeguard, Ryan (yeah, we have little recollection of him as well). Party-loving and OSHA nemesis Anthony Wood (MHS) is in 12th place, while scheming yet gorgeous Julia (Q30) takes 13th.
In 14th place is no one else but our dear Sailor Bobby - an option that was added as humorous but instead raked up a very respectable 4.7% of votes. As they say, if you are not handsome you should be handy, and no one is a better dress maker than Bobby! Plus, how can we forget when he disguised himself as a tribesman to save Adelaide from becoming soup? He ends up in a tie with a fan favourite, sweet angel Sammy (HS). Completing the top-15 is another HS angel, the ethereal Leeloo.
This question also had an "other" box, where people could add names that were not included in the list. For all those (quite a few!) people who wrote Dino (HS), Sam (CY) and Orlando (SBR)... we choose to believe you misread the question, but if you didn't... oh boy, have we got good news for you!
A few people also wished for Rachel (CY) and Hiro (SBR) to be LIs, so that's another happy ending there as per the latest release.
Some also wished for Diego, Baron Samedi and Jackie from SIF, and Joseph, Christian and Gustavo from SBR to be LIs, and we are happy to say that, although their routes might be a bit hidden and not all of them can be endgame LIs, you can most definitely already hookup with/romance all of them. Check the wiki for details!
A few people asked for the coffee shop owner in CY... we have the feeling that we know who at least one of them is, and truth be told, that beard is dreamy so we can see their point! More bearded LIs please!
Those who asked for Fyr... far from us to kink shame here, but let's just hope he turns out to be human at some point! We also have some Seraph Crowley (HS) and Angel Mora (MB) fans amongst us, as clear proof that no one is ever too old for love, plus WP Agent Phillips' manbun has also scored him some eager fans.
But that one person who asked for Sean from MB... we hope for your sake you are also about 12 years old because otherwise you need an old priest, a young priest and also a police officer.

💎Question 4: Which LI do you think is overrated, and why?

Here are the top 10 most overrated LIs in the game according to our community.
You know how they say never rest on your laurels? In a surprising (or maybe not?) twist of fate, some of the most liked LIs also topped the most overrated rankings, which goes to show that the beauty of our community is that we all have different (and sometimes opposite) opinions! So please let's not fight in the comments, haha.
The most overrated LI crown goes to Lucifer with the 21.9% of the votes, (which is almost as him winning an Oscar and a Razzie in the same evening) mostly due to his behaviour, which many identify as "toxic", "abusive" and "triggering". Many readers are "not comfortable with his choking/manhandling of MC", and his "lack of respect for personal space". "Being treated poorly in the hope to finally reach a hidden soft side does not seem worth it". Some think "he needs therapy", and wonder "why he's still behaving like a teen while he's possibly thousands of years old". A reason why many dislike him however, is also "the daily flood of fanart that features him": we might all be a little Lucifered-out here on the subreddit!
Tied in second place (pun fully intended!) are Alexander (CY) and Victor (CY) at 11.5%: the reasons given for both of them are surprisingly similar. Both boys are into BDSM but neither seem to "truly know the rules of consent" and people think that they "overstep boundaries a little too often". Both have been described as "creepy", "controlling" and "plain weird". Victor is also guilty of being "boring" ("I asked for a tea not for your life story in India!" - someone wrote). Both have been invited to "drop the Christian Grey act" and some people think "they would be arrested in real life if they acted this way". Oh boy.
Justin (SBR) completes this unflattering podium at 9.1% because of his "obnoxious outbursts" and the way he treats MC. He is "rude" and "mean" and people seem to be willing to "pay diamonds to put him in his place". Hopefully that won't be necessary!
Jake from WP is fourth at 7.8%, the main reason being that he is "too difficult to romance", "too expensive and still rude", and that "we have to solve the Da Vinci code to get him" - as someone hilariously wrote.
Bad boy Brandon (SBR) scores 6.1% of the votes landing fifth place, with the word "jerk" being the most recurrently used to describe him. He is "arrogant", a "vanishing act", and "he is never nice to MC for long". Come on, Brandon! You can do better!
Unclaimed Andy (HS) takes sixth place with 4.5% for being "jealous" and "annoying" - although we would maybe argue that he's not really that overrated, as far as we can see from the sub...
In seventh place is Max (MB) at 4.1% but we are confused by the person who mentioned "his abs being too perfect" as a reason for disliking him. Of course, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, so... fair enough? Other words used are "too boring", otherwise many people voted for him but did not really give a reason why. Max needs to work on his PR clearly!
Another tie in eight place sees Adam (Q30) and Dino (HS) score 3.7% of the votes. The Royal bodyguard is described as "a barbarian" and his behaviour as "possessive" and "controlling", while the main complaints against Dino seem for the vast majority to be directed to his looks: comments range from "his eyes look disproportionally big compared to his head" to "his hair seems separated from his face" to some people calling him a "Fabio lookalike". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder indeed!
Gruff Captain Jeff (MHS) makes ninth with 3.3%, mostly because of "the dodgy power dynamic between him and MC" and his "bullying": "I like puppies is not a free get out of jail card!" someone wrote. The fact that SOS Luke "drugged MC" bags him unanimously the tenth spot with 2.8% of the votes.
Not in the top ten but voted often enough to deserve a special mention are John (SOS) because of his "murderous tendencies", Derek (SOS) because "people only likes him for his glow-up", and Leonard (Q30) as "he took Emma's spot as the third main LI in the story" and "that was a cop out!" Plus "he seems so good only because the other two are the worst", someone quipped.

💎Question 5: Which LI do you think is underrated, and why?

Let's all cheer ourselves up with the opposite end of the spectrum! Here are the top 10 Lis that the community think deserve more love! The answers in this question were a lot more fragmented, with a lot of random characters getting very few votes, so the ranking percentages are significantly lower than in other questions.
A few people chose to write "every female LI" as this question's answer, and this is reflected in the rankings below, where way more female characters are mentioned compared to other questions. So RC, we need more screen time for badass, gorgeous, interesting female LIs!
HS still carries its weight as the most popular story, with three of its main LIs topping the rankings, all lamenting the fact that they are "unfairly overshadowed by bad boy Lucifer". Andy tops the list with 8.5% of the votes: players think he is "a really good guy", "sweet", "cute", "caring", "thoughtful". They admit "he has flaws" but he "will help if you need him" and "will stand up for those he cares about". It's nice to see him getting some love!
Devil cutie Mimi ends up as a close second with only a few votes of difference, at 8.1%. She is "cute", "badass", and "so cool". Many people wrote they don't usually romance female Lis but they chose her nonetheless because she is "a great LI in every way". Someone wishes RC would "flesh her out a little more" and "give her more screen time". Third spot is for Dino: a "sweetheart" and "the cutest man in the game".
Jake from WP nabs fourth place with the 4.9% of votes. Players thinks the focus is too much on how hard he is to pursue, while "he is totally worth it", because after the initial coldness he becomes "sweet", "kind" and "caring". His "love for his family is another big plus", and he is always "supportive", "mature", "loyal" and "intense". Someone also wrote that "his sex scenes are amazing".
Gorgeous dancer Carlos from SBR is in fifth place: he is described as "cute", "great personality", "respectful" and "the sweetest". One to watch for sure! Prince Leonard (Q30) ties with Claire (SBR) in sixth place. Leonard is "complicated", "interesting" and "clever", while Claire is "sweet", "mature" and "loyal". Seventh position is for Michael (SOS) - "cute", "affectionate", "funny" - and Kayla (WP) is "really nice" and "one of the first female LIs that didn't seem like a complete afterthought".
Eight place goes to Sam (CY) - "wholesome", "the right amount of naughty and nice", "a sweet and likeable guy" - in a tie with Chris (SIF) - "funny", "strong", "loyal", "always has your back". Ninth place is another tie between Sebastian (SIF) - "sweet" and "supportive" - and Alex (MHS) - "amazing personality", "really helpful".
Last but not least the tenth place is a foursome: William (SIF) gets some love for being "good", "solid", "loyal" and "fun", in a tie with Charles (SBR) - described as "perfect", "romantic" and "caring", as well as "hot", "sexy" and "gentle" - Jackie (SIF) - "an under-appreciated king", "handsome" and "fun", and Frances (MB) - a "real badass" and "one of the best LIs in MB".
So, time to replay your favourite book and try out one of these Lis instead than your usual one!

💎Question 6: If you could eat or drink one thing from the RC universe, what would you choose?

Max (MB) might no longer hold the crown of most loved LI in the game, but his cooking skills still hold strong. A whopping 37.2% of the people in this community would eat anything he prepares. Getting drunk on Glyft at the HS Academy takes second spot with 23.1% of the preferences, while a sugar rush after a light BDSM session in CY is all what the 13.2% of us want, completing this delicious podium.
In fourth place is pizza with a bunch of MHS friends, fifth is potential death - as long as ice cream and Jake from WP are involved - and sixth is Anthony Wood's juice at one of his epic MHS parties.
Dinner at the SOS circus is seventh, chosen by a fearless 3% of the community, while canapés at a jewellery fashion show in Q30 score the eighth and last place.

💎Question 7: If you could spend a weekend in any RC story, would you:

An entire weekend in the RC universe! What mischief is our community planning to get up to?
It looks like HS is once again top of the list, with over 38% of players willing to test their wings and get some strange and possibly corrosive blue liquid down their unclaimed throats. But LOW's gorgeous backgrounds and atmospheric setting have convinced the 16% of us to go explore a Japanese village, and possibly meet some mysterious cutie. Adelaide and her SIF crew navigate steadily in third place: 10.7% of us would follow them over the edge of the world and beyond.
In fourth place is a spot of murder mystery fun in CY, as 10.3% of us would happily explore a British family mansion - bloodshed possible but not guaranteed. A diplomatic trip with the Q30 Sagar Royal Court appeals to the 6.1% of us, especially if a romantic sunset is on the bill. The quaint and frankly unsettling SOS woods do not scare the 5.7% of us, but as long as no one picks up a nice bouquet of flowers, we should all be ok. In seventh place is our favourite vampire popstar Benny Bart (MB) performing at the Taste of the Night, while eighth is a dance marathon in SBR, inclusive of a trip to romantic Paris. Tarino's somewhat unusual directorial skills in MHS score ninth place, while hot surfers in WP's Miami end up last.

💎Question 8: If you could get more episodes of a series that has now ended, which one would you choose?

It's time to go down memory lane! We loved all the stories that RC has now completed, but which one we miss the most?
Side note: SIF and WP were still ongoing when this survey was first opened hence they are not featured in this list.
Horror story SOS takes a clear lead, with over 47% of our community wishing we could get more adventures with MC and her friends. MB is second, with a healthy 34% of readers wishing to spend more time in the company of vampires and werewolves. Q30 is third, with 13.3% of readers missing its Royal Palace and all the intrigue coming with it, and last but not least is comedy MHS, which is missed by 5.4% of this community.
And now, some questions about this community's gaming habits:

💎Question 9: How do you usually approach LI relationships?

This question had a fairly split response between those who date a few LIs but ultimately choose only one (48.9%) and those who are fiercely monogamous from the start (42.4%). A healthy 8.7% of the readers prefer instead to play the field and date as many LIs as the gameplay will allow. And with so many great characters to choose from, that's hardly a surprise!

💎Question 10: Would you play a book that has a male MC?

We all know that at the moment all RC stories are gender-locked with a female MC. But what does the community think? Would we play a book with a male MC? The majority is in favour, with 61.9% of the responders answering with a resounding YES.

💎Question 11: Do you use the RC wiki on Fandom?

Our amazing fan-written Romance Club wiki recently celebrated 100 pages!
It sounds like a whopping 78.8% of this community uses the wiki, while about 14.1% did not know it existed (so we hope you are using it now!) and 7.1% are true daredevils who play without any wiki help.

💎Question 12: What genre of story do you enjoy the most?

With new stories always coming up, we were curious to know which genres this community enjoys the most.
Despite the game being called Romance Club, the top of the genre ranking goes to Fantasy, with a striking 74.1% of preferences. But no worries: Romance is a steady second with a great 70.8% of the votes. Third place goes to Mystery with 65.7%.
Adventure comes fourth with 55.2%, followed by Horror (42.5%), Historical (35.1%), Science Fiction (29.1%) and finally Comedy (26.4%).
A very small number of people (too little to make percentage) also asked for drama, thriller, detective/crime, heist/spy, high school/teens, superheroes, zombies and time travel. All great ideas!
The community has spoken though: RC, give us elves and gnomes and medieval tales of debauchery and magic!

💎Question 13: How long have you been playing Romance Club for?

We were curious to know for how long we all have been playing this game we love. The survey showed a good mix of old and new readers, with a clear tendency towards long-term reading, which makes us so very happy to know we are all just equally addicted.
36% stated that they have been playing for over a year, 23.6% for more than six months, 17.8% for more than three months, 16.1% for more than one month and 6.4% for less than a month. Welcome one and all, we hope you are all going to be here for the long haul!

💎Question 14: How did you find out about the game Romance Club?

The main way in which our community has found out about RC is through the app store/google play store (70.9%). Another subreddit is a source for 13.5% of us (we probably have to say thank you to our friends at Lovestruck and Choices!) while a friend recommended the game to 8.7% of us.
Instagram (3%) and Facebook (1.5%) are also popular sources, but 2.4% of us arrived to the game through adverts, which is to us the most interesting data since in the mod team we haven't personally seen any adverts for this game - ever - so if anyone has screenshots, please post them in the comments, we are super curious!
Some users (too few to make percentage) also mentioned videos and memes on TikTok or Youtube, Google Search, Tumblr, Twitter, Vkontakte or even their own sister(s) as a source.

💎Question 15: Which operating system do you play the game on?

The majority of this community plays on Android (57.7%) while 42.3% play on iOS.

💎Question 16: Which other story games do you play?

Here are the top-10 story app games we play in this community, aside from RC.
Unsurprisingly, market leader Choices comes first with 53.3% of the votes. Another giant in the field, Episodes, comes second - although with quite a substantially smaller percentage of votes, clocking at 28.1%. The top-three is completed by UK TV show-inspired Love Island with the 24.6%.
Chapters is the fourth most played game at 24.2%, followed by Lovestruck and Love Sick - tied at 16.1%. Moments is sixth at 13.1%, new entry on the market Stories: Love and choices follows in seventh with 5.3%, Journeys is eighth with 4.7% and The Arcana is ninth with 2.6%. The top-ten is completed by Tabou Stories: Love Episodes in a tie with Originals - both at 1.2%.
Some also reminisced about Storyscapes (gone too soon but not forgotten!) and many other game apps were mentioned but by too few people to make up for an accountable percentage. We surely discovered some games we had never heard of before, though, including: Fictif, Heart's Choice, Everlasting Summer, Fancy Love, Romance: Stories and choices, Secrets: Game of choices, Fictions: Choose your emotions, Mystic Messenger, City of Love and many, many more... so thanks everyone for all these new suggestions!
And to that one person who selected half a dozen games and then commented with "it is a problem!" ... trust us, you are in very, very good company here!!
And lastly, some demographics:

💎Question 17: Where in the world are you from?

We are a very international bunch, that's for sure! Here are the numbers:
45.5% of this community lives in Europe, 24.3% in North America, 16.9% is in Asia, 5.7% is in Central/South America, 5.3% is in Africa and 2.3% is in Australia/New Zealand. Welcome one and all! We are so happy you are here.

💎Question 18: How old are you?

How old are we? The survey has spoken: 44.7% is between the ages of 18 and 24; 28.1% is between 25 and 35; 21.1% is 17 or younger; 6.1 % is 36 or older.
We must admit that we did not expect so many people to be on the younger end of the spectrum! But we hope everyone - of all ages - will always find this subreddit to be a safe, welcoming and friendly place where to discuss this game we all love. We mods work hard every day to keep this the most relaxed and fun RC space on the net and we feel so lucky that you are all as awesome as you are!

💎Question 19: What is your gender identity?

The overwhelming majority of this community (93.5%) identifies as female, while 4.6% identifies as male, 1.3% is non-binary, 0,4% identifies as genderqueer and 0.2% marked themselves as confused.
The fact that MC is gender-locked female and that LGBTQ routes are limited in the game is certainly one of the reasons why our community is not more diverse. Hopefully RC will expand their stories to include more diverse gender choices in terms of MCs and LIs, so to allow more people to enjoy their great storytelling skills.

💎Question 20: What is your sexual orientation?

Here's the sexual orientation of our community:
70.1% identifies as Straight/Heterosexual
22.5% identifies as Bisexual
1.9% identifies as Lesbian/WLW
1.7% identifies as Pansexual
1.5% identifies as Gay/MLM
0.4% identifies as Aromantic
0.3% identifies as Aromantic/Bisexual
0.3% identifies as Asexual
0.3% identifies as Demisexual
0.2% identifies as Asexual/Biromantic
0.2% identifies as Asexual/Heterosexual
Once again, we hope that future plots featuring more diverse MC/LIs will attract more diverse players to our community.
That's all folks! We hope you found these results interesting and we look forward to a new survey once we hit 5000 users! Until then... happy gaming and thanks for making this awesome community as great as it is! :)
💎 RomanceClub mods 💎
💎u/LauraVi 💎u/swankytutu 💎u/directormmn
submitted by LauraVi to RomanceClub [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 19:04 pity__party "Outed" at a party

I deleted a similar post so I could reword this one.
I've been stressing this awhile because I knew there were rumors. Basically I was tweaked out one night and couldn't go home to family after last call at a bar. So me and this guy I've known for years decided to just find a spot to chill at in his van. Sounds suspect, I know. But I didn't even know the dude was gay, or bi. He gives me a headlamp and he's got a couch back there. I like to draw so I start doodling. He sits down next to me and his arm is up against mine. Pretty weird, and I don't know why, I didn't ask him to move or move myself. It lasted a short time then he gets in the driver seat and tries to sleep.
This was a year ago. A few nights ago at a party, my ex girlfriend comes with that same guy. And starts making jokes about it in front of everyone and basically lets me know she's repulsed by me. She's bi so I couldn't believe she could be so cruel. I don't consider myself bi, it wasn't even a sexual experience. I have had one actual sexual experience with a guy and I confirmed it wasn't for me. Maybe that's enough to start admitting it to myself I might be bi. I just think sexuality is a personal thing and I don't need anyone to know what I am. Most of all I don't want this to affect how women look at me. If my bisexual, sexually deviant ex girlfriend finds it repulsive, how is any other woman going to accept it? How am I going to make new friends if they think I'm trying to bang them?
submitted by pity__party to gaybros [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 19:00 pity__party "Outed" at a party

I've been stressing this awhile because I knew there were rumors. Basically I was tweaked out one night and couldn't go home to family after last call at a bar. So me and this guy I've known for years decided to just find a spot to chill at in his van. Sounds suspect, I know. But I didn't even know the dude was gay, or bi. He gives me a headlamp and he's got a couch back there. I like to draw so I start doodling. He sits down next to me and his arm is up against mine. Pretty weird, and I don't know why, I didn't ask him to move or move myself. It lasted a short time then he gets in the driver seat and tries to sleep.
This was a year ago. A few nights ago at a party, my ex girlfriend comes with that same guy. And starts making jokes about it in front of everyone and basically lets me know she's repulsed by me. She's bi so I couldn't believe she could be so cruel. I don't consider myself bi, it wasn't even a sexual experience. I have had one actual sexual experience with a guy and I confirmed it wasn't for me. Maybe that's enough to start admitting it to myself I might be bi. I just think sexuality is a personal thing and I don't need anyone to know what I am. Most of all I don't want this to affect how women look at me. If my bisexual, sexually deviant ex girlfriend finds it repulsive, how is any other woman going to accept it? How am I going to make new friends if they think I'm trying to bang them?
submitted by pity__party to bisexual [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 15:58 whosthtcutie Extremely conflicted

In the past year I have come to the terms that I am poly.I have also been in a relationship with a mono male for about two years now. I have talked to him about this and he’s “open” (more so willing) to opening up the relationship,but only to women. Being a bisexual female I could make that work but I don’t understand why (besides ego) we cant open up the relationship completely.
I actually had a experience with a poly couple M and F and it was completely different and beautiful. They were my first experience and maybe I’m looking at this with rose tinted glasses but I just feel like I have the capability to love multiple people no matter their identification.and it just honestly seems like a better dating style in my opinion.
I’m conflicted because I LOVE my boyfriend and I would drop everything in the world for him.Hell we even made a plan to finish our degrees and move to Texas and buy our dream house.but I just want.something else. And I know if we were to open up the relationship it would be a huge compromise on his side-even to just females. Because I know it’s something he isn’t interested in.he said point blank he wants me to be “his person”
So do I end a 2 year relationship with a guy I love to explore poly dating, and run the chance of never meeting someone like him again.or stay in the relationship and always be wondering what’s out there.god dating is hard
Thank you for reading my vent😂any feedback would be appreciated.
submitted by whosthtcutie to polyamory [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 15:39 yetothinkofit A Swimmer's Tale- I[F] masturbated for the first time at age 20 [mast] [bi]

Every girl’s magazine will tell you that masturbation is normal. They are aimed at young girls, but for me it was all a lot of words. I am now 24 and I only masturbated for the first time when I was 20. Not many people believe me, but it is entirely true.
Perhaps it was because I lived in a small city, about an hour by train from Sydney, which was just large enough to have its own full-size swimming pool. Perhaps it was because my folks were very keen for me to do all the right things. I did music and sciences and art and ballet, but the only thing I really, really loved was swimming.
From the age of 11 onwards I started going to the pool every week and it became my second home. At that age it is almost impossible to swim properly, muscles are not developed well enough. But soon I got older and got bigger muscles and before long I was in school competitions and then state finals.
It was when I turned 18 that I thought of actually making a career from swimming. This essentially means that you aim for national and (pray to God) international stardom, such as in the Commonwealth games or the Olympics. That goes on throughout your 20s and then when you get too ‘old,’ you go into sport promotions or coaching.
I was 18 that I had to make the big decision, because I had to decide between college or full-time swimming. Full-time swimming means 4, 5, 6 hours a day in the pool plus working out in a gym. There is no time for that as well as College.
I chose swimming, partly because I felt I wasn’t smart enough for College and also because I was socially under-confident. To be honest, I have always been shy, and being by myself in the pool was one way to feel good about myself. The other swimmers were great friends, very close friends, and there was none of that bitchiness that you get when girls sometimes get together.
The other thing that put me off going to College too was the whole mixing-with-boys bit. Now that I am 24, and my hair has grown out, boys find me attractive. But at the time I had very short hair. It was dark blonde and very short, sometimes so short that it was spiky. It’s the only practical thing to do when you swim every day, as swimming caps never work all the time.
My shoulders were also broader than most guys, and my breasts were (and are) small. From the chest up, the broad shoulders and flat chest makes me look a bit boyish, so most guys felt I was some sort of butch lesbian anyway. I am bisexual, actually, but a feminine bi.
During my 18th and 19th years, I swam almost every day. There were four of us at the pool, sometimes five or six, and we swam every day together. I am now a swimmer for my country in international competitions which I am very proud of but I know you really want to hear about my first masturbation!
During those two years I showered almost every day with four women with beautiful bodies. We would get to the pool at 5.30am and swim till 7.00am. This was the central core training, the absolute minimum we had to do to look at being competitive swimmers. Sometimes one of the girls would swim and go to work afterwards, but if they did it was to earn the minimum amount necessary to support themselves, then become unemployed and swim full-time.
We showered at the end of each swim, on the tick of 7.00am we would leave the pool and make our way for the showers. It was something to look forward to, and also the pool started filling up with ‘amateurs’ who only swam for 30 minutes or so before work.
As we were the first in the showers, the water was sometimes cold. The four of us would scream at the top of our voices as the cold water in our bodies! I don’t know why, but it actually doesn’t feel as bad if you scream. It never occurred to me at the time but, thinking back, we had really hot bodies. We were slim, of course, although some of us (like me) had very broad shoulders. Our legs were slim as there was little fat, not like most girls’ thighs. But although they were slim, the muscles would move underneath our thighs.
There are three ways to tell a swimmer’s thighs. If it is side-on, the front of her thigh will be pronounced, and there will be that line down the thigh between the front of the thigh and the back. The second way is that she will have big calf muscles, although girls who cycle have that as well. The third way is that if you see a girl’s body full on and she is naked or wearing very short shorts, there is the line of muscle inside her thighs, so there is almost a dip when her thighs meet her pelvis.
Each of the girls in the shower, even when there were 6 of us, shaved our pubes. I have no idea why. Partly, of course, it was easy to avoid bikini line, but as we all wore one-piece suits it wasn’t a major problem. Perhaps there was some sort of superstition about not wanting body hair to act as a ‘drag’ in the water and slow us down! Even some guys shave their legs and chest before a major swim so that their body hair doesn’t slow them down – I feel it is nonsense, of course, but it’s a pool superstition.
Amazing, isn’t it, how a (now) horny bi girl like me could shower with those beautiful girls for two years and, I swear to God, I never had a horny thought.
Perhaps it was just physical exhaustion. After swimming 90 minutes in the morning, I would go home and have breakfast. The 90 minutes was a regular swim, just to wake up. The exercise and the adrenaline and the endorphins were addictive. If I didn’t swim for two days in a row I would become extremely edgy. Breakfast would be followed by helping mum around the house or just watching tv, and then I would be back, but this time at the gym.
Swimmers need to work out in the gym because there are muscles which need particular attention. When you can swim for more than an hour, you can go on for ever. But that wont help in competition. Even if it is a long race, such as the 1500 meters, you have to swim fast, and that can only help by building up muscles in addition to the swimming.
The gym at the YWCA meant a fast, hard work-out. Sometimes I would do a cycle of weights or exercises and finish completely in an hour. Two or three of the girls I saw in the morning I would see in the gym just before lunch. By this time we would be starving, but we would work out anyway, looking forward to lunch.
Working out in the gym with these sexy girls wasn’t sexual for me either. Perhaps this was due in part to the way we dressed. To work-our properly, you have to wear long jogging bottoms, and preferably a long-sleeved sports’ top. A proper work-out means lots of sweat, and its impolite to sweat on machines that another person will use in a few minutes after you have finished.
In the gym there are a few muscle groups that you have to pay attention to.
The main ones I guess are the inner thighs. The legs are what does most of the work, and the muscles at the back and front of the thighs get worked out enough in the pool. The best machine for the inner things, therefore, is that machine where you sit with your legs wide apart, with a press on the inside of each thigh, and then you press your legs together.
You would have thought that if anything would draw my attention to that part of my body, it would be this exercise. I was a serious athlete, so I would sit there for 10 or 15 minutes, pressing my legs together so that the metal presses clinked each other, and then let the weights force my legs apart, but in a slow, controlled manner. I loved the feeling of the stretching of the muscles of my inner thighs.
Sooner, my things would begin to ache, but I would push on. I would begin to perspire, first between my legs, and then this would roll down so that I would feel it as a little pool underneath my bum.
As body heat built up, my feet would sweat, and that was followed by my underarms. Apart from religiously shaving our pubes, we also kept our underarms completely free of hair. Exposing your pits is pretty essential for a swimmer, so we become use to keeping that area hair free.
Having hair-free pits means, however, that when even the smallest bit of sweat builds up there is no hair to absorb it, so it ran down the insiders of our bodies, sometimes tickling slightly as it reached the side of my breasts. read more
submitted by yetothinkofit to LesbianWriters [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 14:43 iwontlasttoolong I'm in a dilemma, I still think like what if Islam was right?

I'll post this on islam too
I was born and raised as a pious muslim but I've been describing myself as an agnostic atheist for like a year because of philosophical reasons
I live in a controversial society, I was bullied a lot when i was a Muslim and now I'm being criticized a lot because i left Islam... People around me describe themselves as muslims but laugh at muslims who r practicing their religion
I became interested in philosophy, i started to think like "We can never be sure whether a god exists or not" and Islam says we came from one human, so our ancestors had incest relationships which makes human DNA lazy and causes illnesses.
And according to Islam our world is 7000 years old but there are temples found in Göbekli Tepe which dates back 10000 years ago
So they made me confused, i believed that religions were fairytales because there are hundreds of religions in the world and each cares about its believers only, the others will go to hell. Why would someone who was born in Japan practicing their indigenous religions go to hell according to Islam? Why would someone had great contributions to science go to hell? Why would I go to hell because i can't be sure about whether god exists or not?
I heard that Allah sent prophets to every civilizations, then why aren't there anyone practicing something like Islam? I saw a lot similarities between Zoroastrianism and Islam, i thought Mohammed copied from Zoroaster but then someone told me Zoroaster might be another prophet of god and Zoroastrianism is changed like other religions
Mohammed said "A society which is led by a woman won't succeed" but there are great woman leaders in human history, and he said "Women are the safety deposit of Allah to you" in his last speech. And it made me think like we women aren't humans, we are possessions and only men are humans, but this is wrong according to evolution...
I believe in evolution and when I was a Muslim I tried to convince myself that evolution and Islam have no contrarinesses
But recently I started to think about homosexuality stuff, it's forbidden in Islam, i also have bisexual tendencies. I tried to stay far away from the girl i liked because i thought it was an exam from Allah. After I left Islam i thought nothing was wrong with it then I got closer with that girl
But almost all people around me have homosexual tendencies, if it was 50 years ago from today they wouldn't identify themselves as homosexuals, and they all would be married now. Even i would have 2 children right now (I'm 19)
It made me think like what if homosexuality is something we can choose? I mean, i didn't choose to like that girl but if it was 50 years ago i wouldn't feel thirsty for her, i would think like "Ah i love her too much, that must be something friendly" or i would be embarrassed for liking someone from the same gender. And so my friend do.
A gay friend of mine used to fall for girls and then he started to describe himself as a bisexual because his favourite singer was bisexual, now he describes himself a gay. I think his favourite singer had impact on it. Then homosexuality is not something in our DNAs
There are many girls around me dating boys and describing themselves as lesbians for attention, maybe because of this Allah forbade homosexuality and Islam was actually true
Some people who describes themselves as non-binary, this thing never existed years ago, and it's against nature. A monkey wouldn't try to be genderless. What's wrong with having a gender at all?
Homosexuality can be seen in some animals then we call this normal but incest practices also can be seen in animals, why don't we call this normal?
And some animal species prefer polyamorousim while some species prefer monoamorousim. Polygamy is permitted for men in Islam, monogamy is permitted too. But polygamy is a taboo for some people while it's okay for some people. Then we can't talk about any nature here, some animals die after their spouse dies and some animals just fuck whatever they see
And about transsexuality, I think the way we raise children can affect this. I mean if a boy played with Barbie dolls and wore skirts, pink things of course he would feel like a girl when he grows up. I actually don't believe in gender roles but that's it. I would raise my daughter like a boy but I wouldn't raise my son like a girl.
I'm a girl but I think masculinity is the best, I've never felt like a girl, I look like a boy too. Then I must agree with Islam seeing women weak, but I can't because Mohammed also never wanted women to act like men. He wanted women to be women and men to be men. We can see gender roles here, which I don't believe
This stuff makes me confused. I think like maybe Allah was right, he knew what would happen so he created strict rules. On the other hand I think like Islam being sexist, but I also think like it might be right with being sexist but then I should act like a female and look like a female because I was born a female, otherwise I'll go to hell...
submitted by iwontlasttoolong to exmuslim [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 14:19 mr_annoying_dog How to be easily turned on by women?

I'm bi. I've always had crushes on girls, but I've also been horny guys.
The thing is, it's harder for me to get turned on by girls, because I think I'm heteromantic bisexual but with a heavy guy leaning horniness. This is because of 2 things:
One, I started jacking off to gay porn more because I'd always worry about the female pornstars and feel bad for them, and I can usually tell whether someone is faking it in a video or not (girls usually weren't and might be in pain). Since I saw more guys orgasming in gay videos, I assumed that they would have more enjoyment for their job.
Two, I've always been more attracted to men than women. Give me a hot guy and a hot girl and I have to pick which one would suck my dick? I'll probably take the guy. But ask the same question but I have to pick which one to dafe? 110% the girl.
I've tried conditioning myself by reading stuff from Literotica (I don't think people can get abused there, so I won't feel bad for the people in the stories.) but I don't get hard to women, I have to read a gay story (or very well written stories that are almost my exact fantasy, which happens a bit more than I expect) then I'm able to jack off to the straight story again.
(The conditioning is so that I don't disappoint my future wife/girlfriends, not for now because I am not of legal age, nor do I want to have sex just yet.)
What would you suggest I do so that all genders would be turn ons for me, and not just dudes and trans dudes?
(If necessary, here are my fantasies: feminine looking woman is dominating me but not via BDSM, masculine guy (think of athletes or your local basketball teams) is submissive in bed, boyish girls, girls with suits or ponytails for some reason, giving head or receiving it, muscular butts and small boobs. I hate that I posted all my kinks on Reddit, but I'll delete this post in a day or two so idc.)
submitted by mr_annoying_dog to sex [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 11:23 Bigirl1999 What I went through as a child still affect my life as an adult till this day

Hi guys this story may have some grammar mistakes and sentence structure errors but I want to share my story with you.
When I was 9 years old I used to be friends with a girl that was 2 years younger than me, her family was friends with my family.
I don’t remember the first when the girl’s father started to molest me but I remember this incident when I was alone with him in his bedroom he touched my private parts underneath my tights and underwear.
I didn’t understand what was going on but I had a bad feeling about this. It continued on and on.
When I was 10 I hit my puberty I had large breast and I’m tall so I looked like an adult instead of a child.
So anyways one day when my family wanted go to a holiday and we was getting ready to go to the airport but we didn’t have a car at the time.
He was our driver to pick us up to the airport because we trusted him since he was a family friend.
So anyways about the incident itself I remember that my parents and my brother left me alone with him in the living room to sort out the baggage outside or in the kitchen.
He started to fondle my breast I didn’t understand but I was scared so I started to call my mum out.
He told me not tell my mum about it and the reasons i didn’t tell her because 1. He told me not to since I was a child and he was an adult so I thought no one believes a child at all. 2. I didn’t want to ruin the marriage between him and his wife. 3. I didn’t want to ruin my mum’s and his wife’s friendship since our family were very close. 4. I was worried that no one will believe me. 5. I didn’t understand what the hell was going on. 6. I didn’t want his two daughters and his son to grow up without a father.
When I’ve turned 11 I was playing ps3 with my friend then she left me alone to cause some trouble since she was a troublemaker and I always got in trouble thanks to her lmao.
So anyways her father came to my room cans started to fondle my breast then he took my breast out from my shirt and bra.
He started to kiss my left breast and he said something about my breast in Albanian that I can’t type since I was born and raise in the uk.
However, he wanted to kiss my other breast or worse raping me or something but I saw his youngest daughter who was a toddler at the time saw this and I managed to say stop and he stopped what he was doing.
There was one incident that when I was in his new house and he was in his eldest daughter’s room that he wanted to invite me.
I was afraid of him and I shook my head no and he kept saying come in and I kept on nodded my head.
One day I didn’t who to tell because I couldn’t keep this secret any longer so I told a teacher about it then she advise me to tell my mum about it so I did.
Her reaction was different from what I was expecting and she was angry about what he did to me.
Then I told the headteacher then the police got involved but my parents were very angry with me because they didn’t want this to cause a huge problem back in their home country since the guy lives in my aunt’s village.
My mum advise me if the police talked to me again just say I can’t remember.
So when I was in secondary school I was in Spanish and a teacher called my name so I left my class then I was put in a room with a couple of detectives.
They were asking me questions and I felt worse so all I said was I can’t remember.
A couple of months later I was interrogated again but with tape and at the end the police officer said “is there anything you want to say” then I said stop and I want nothing to do with this since these was my mum’s words.
Now I’m 20 years old and I never seen my abuser ever since I was 11 because my mum never let him in.
However, she still in contact with his wife but they don’t see each other.
As for myself when I was 11 I accidentally discover porn in my brother’s ps3 and I started to watch lesbian porn it was my comfort so I wouldn’t deal with the trauma.
Years later I discovered that I’m bisexual and I wonder if I’m really bisexual or the abuse itself just made me hate men in general.
I have hard time having relationships with men because I don’t really trust men since this abuse and some other incidents that has nothing to do with this.
I started to see women as sex objects and I would chase after them and treat them as rubbish because that’s how I see men as what they see me.
I tried to commit suicide and I still have nightmares about it but I’ve moved on from it.
Is there any questions so I can answer them?
submitted by Bigirl1999 to adultsurvivors [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 10:28 polylumina I Hate Being Home With My Parents

My parents are Trump supporters and they both watch Candace Owens. My dad is a cop. Honestly, I can't be in the same room with them whenever they talk politics because they team up on me and whenever I say something like, "Trump is not a good person and is a racist," they tell me that I'm too "liberal" and that my facts aren't reputable. My dad literally thought that Paw Patrol was being cancelled because of the cop dog Chase, and when I told him that what he read was wrong, him and my mom started to get mad at me.
I'm a closeted bisexual, so they also say a lot of homophobic stuff to each other and it hurts. My dad says that he's a "Black Panther" but at the same time he openly supports a racist. Yeah, he doesn't think Trump is racist, but it's so obvious.
I think the worst thing is, my mom will agree with most of what I say about Trump in private, but then my dad will come around and suddenly she's all, "Go Trump!" They constantly disregard what I say about politics because I'm a "know-it-all" and I'm too young to understand anything. I could pull up a scholarly article on police brutality right now and they would look at it and scoff, believing it to be lies/propaganda.
Anyways. ACAB. Defund the Police. Abolish ICE. Trump for Jail 2020. No More Stolen Sisters. Stop Killing Trans-women.
submitted by polylumina to teenagers [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 06:53 JoyeAnna I want to play!! Bisexual women looking for threesome

I want to play!! Bisexual women looking for threesome submitted by JoyeAnna to WomenLookingFor3Some [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 05:02 canadagooooooooooose Finally discovered who I am

For the past two years, I’ve always been at a low.
School’s been awful, I’ve bever had the effort to do anything, the only thing keeping me alive were my friendships. It was an awful existence, not sleeping because I was stressed out, counting down until the end of the day when things would finally be OVER. My grades began to plummet. This was all new to me, since I was the smart one who didn’t really have to try when I was younger. And to add to the mix, I began questioning my sexuality last year, and was extremely confused. On top of that, I had no friends in the LGBTQ+ community who could help me out. I also saw no real life for myself, since I figured out the profession I wanted to go into is actually one that I hate. I had no options. I started gaining weight and became addicted to foods that are very bad for your body. My thighs grew, I got stretch marks, and it made me feel extremely insecure. And last but not least, the girl I’m in love with (who is the reason I was questioning my sexuality) would never ever like me back, because she isn’t into other women.
Today is the first day I truly realized all that is over.
I’ve realized since then that film is my true passion, and I have high hopes for getting into a great university. My grades went up through quarantine, showing me that having a 4.0 GPA isn’t just a dream anymore. I finally figured out and came to terms with being bisexual, and the girl I’m in love with was actually bi all along. I feel like I actually have a chance with her in the future. I lost some weight, and after looking in the mirror a few days ago I realized my stretch marks are now barely visible. I have a new level of confidence as my birthday comes up in a week or two, and I haven’t been this happy for a very very long time.
While quarantine brought many people horrible things, and the virus is still on rampage, I managed to find some good in all of this. I realized that what I really needed in life was a break, and time for myself, and after getting it I feel like I can do anything!!
I finally know feel comfortable in my own skin. I finally feel like I know who I am.
submitted by canadagooooooooooose to offmychest [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 00:57 TheBronzeSystem the pansexual label erases bisexuals and (depending on what definition you use) can be transphobic.

in the bisexual manifesto, it states that “Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature... In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.” (http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/01/1990-bi-manifesto.html). this shows that bisexuality is attraction to all genders, which is one of the definitions of pan. refusing to acknowledge the bi manifesto contributes further to bi erasure.
furthermore, when your see a person, you will automatically try and determine their gender based on their body and how they present, debunking the whole “genderblind” thing. as there is no specific way look non-binary, you cannot be attracted to them purely for being non-binary.
saying that pan people are attracted to men, women, enbies and trans people is also very transphobic, as it separates trans people from men+women, implying that they are not men or women, but instead a third gender.
it doesn’t matter whether pan makes you feel “more comfortable”, if you are aware that it is erasing bi people and bi history but you carry on using it, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. deal with your internalised biphobia and move on.
submitted by TheBronzeSystem to TrueUnpopularOpinion [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 00:28 ruchenn Bisexual erasure: it’s been going on for ages and it never fucking stops

Consider the following two articles. Anyone interested in American bisexual experience in the twentieth century should read them, although each article is worth reading for slightly different reasons.
‘How an unlikely publicity stunt at the 1984 Democratic National Convention (DNC) paved the way for bi visibility’, by Nastia Voynovskaya, is an important bit of historical reporting, bringing back to light a time too many bisexual+ folk — even bisexual+ folk who lived through that time — don’t know about and don’t remember.
‘Late director, James Sheldon, on James Dean and affairs with men’, by Matthew Rettenmund, is more gossipy, more about the hidden queerness of Hollywood (and America, in general) before Stonewall and the re-surfacing of the Gay Civil Rights movement.
On the subject of this post’s title — that bisexual erasure has been going on forever and it never fucking stops — the first article demonstrates the first phrase; the second article demonstrates the second phrase.
Voynovskaya’s article, among other things, documents the horrendous extent to which bisexual+ folk were explicitly and deliberately excluded from the Gay Civil Rights movement and from the then-extant gay and lesbian communities in America. For example:
The day before the DNC, BiPOL held the nation’s first bisexual rights rally outside the Moscone Center. Admittedly, fewer attendees showed up than performers, which included a theater troupe called Ladies Against Women (satirizing right-wing female politicians), an out bisexual Reagan impersonator, a Veterans for Peace group and Dennis Peron, an early advocate for medical marijuana for AIDS patients.
Despite the low attendance, to everyone’s surprise, BiPOL ended up having one of its most successful fundraisers to date. That same day, gay and lesbian Democrats organized a march from the Castro to the Moscone Center to promote their visibility in the DNC. And they explicitly told BiPOL organizers that bisexuals need not join them. [emphasis added] But it was an uncharacteristically hot summer day in San Francisco, Ka’ahumanu recalls, and everyone was thirsty when they arrived at Moscone. Thankfully, the bisexuals were selling ice cold beverages outside.
“We had the last laugh on that one,” Ka’ahumanu says.
Also, the human cost of being a closeted bisexual woman embedded in then-emerging-from-the-shadows lesbian communities is made heart-breakingly clear in the article’s opening paragraphs.
In the early-1980s, Lani Ka’ahumanu — one of our more important bisexual elders these days — had just started BiPOL, the first advocacy organization of its kind in the United States.
The problem was, no one wanted to join — at least not publicly.
“We’d go out there speaking for the bisexual community and we’d come into our meetings going, ‘Oh my god, where are they?’ We were all confessionals, all of us, for people who were too afraid to come out as bisexual,” Ka’ahumanu, now 76 years old, says over the phone from her home in Sonoma County. “I had more lesbians come up to me, or call me on the phone and say, ‘You don’t know me, but someone gave me your number. I’ve been relating to a man for six months and I’m really scared to come out or else I’d lose my community’—which is what happened to me.”
Indeed, Ka’ahumanu understood their trepidation. In the 1970s, lesbians were fighting for visibility within the nascent gay rights movement, and identifying as one was often considered a political orientation—not just a sexual one. Early lesbian organizations encouraged bisexual women to pick a side, and many chose to hide the fact that they loved men as well as women in order to be accepted in this new community.
So, on to Matthew Rettenmund’s interview with late television director, James Sheldon.
This erasure here isn’t quite as over-the-top as that documented by Voynovskaya but it’s, nonetheless, a frustrating example of how bisexual erasure never fucking stops.
The sub-head for the article was originally as follows:
Before he died in 2016, the TV director, known for his work on The Twilight Zone as well as twice directing Dean, spoke with novelist Matthew Rettenmund about being a gay man in Hollywood [emphasis added], sex later in life and giving Tony Randall his first job.
[NB: see my comment to my own post below for details on how a quick e-mail exchange with Matthew Rettenmund got this error corrected. And, as I note in said comment, celebrate even the small victories.]
So, let’s take a look at Sheldon’s answer to Rettenmund’s second question:
I always enjoyed running into children of famous movie stars. A girl that I went with for years was [Judy Lewis,] Loretta Young’s daughter by Clark Gable, but they never had been married. Judy and I became best friends and we went out together over the years. She died last year. Terrible.
I was always, not a starfucker, but a stars’-children-fucker. [Laughs] Ernst Lubitsch’s daughter Nicola, Nicola Lubitsch, I went with for years and we’re still very close friends. She lives in California.
You know, I had a very “mixed” life, you know? I had some very nice girlfriends and I’ve had some very nice boyfriends …
I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like someone talking about being a gay man in Hollywood. It does, however, sound like someone talking about being a bisexual man in Hollywood.
I know journalists are resource-constrained in untenable ways compared to my freelancing days. But this stuff isn’t difficult.
James Sheldon had some very nice girlfriends and… some very nice boyfriends. And nothing in the published interview has Sheldon laying claim to a particular identity label for himself.
So the sub-head is a fuck-up on at least two levels. First, it’s an identity assignment by someone other than the person being identified. And, second, it’s a self-evidently incorrect identity assignment given the subject’s own words.
Rettenmund is a gay man, and it’s tempting to infer his own bias is to blame here. But writers, even given today’s resource-constrained journalistic norms, aren’t always responsible for the sub-head.
That said, I care less who is responsible, and more that this sort of simple-minded erasure stops happening in the first place.
Unfortunately, and while things are nowhere near as bad as they were in the 1980s, I’m not hopeful that this sort of casual erasure will ever stop happening.
submitted by ruchenn to bisexual [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 21:58 Dnas_Lhydillew_Ifre Help with Homoromanticism

So I'm a 17 year old bisexual cis guy and I've known that I'm bi for almost two years now. I'm out to my parents and a few friends but I'm lucky enough to live somewhere fairly acceptant so it doesn't really bother me if other people found out.
When I first realised I was bi, I thought "well that's fine, I can still marry a woman and have kids" because I guess that's what I always thought is 'normal' or 'the done thing'. I sort of thought I'd like to date a guy at some point, but not marry one or be with one indefinitely.
But the more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion that A.) I have an overwhelming preference for guys and B.) I probably don't want kids anyway. (Besides, if I did want them, I would be just as happy adopting.) But basically yeah it took me like a year or so to process all of that and then for the last six months or so I've been thinking that I actually do want to be with a guy and hopefully marry one - even though I still have the potential to be attracted to women. Like it wouldn't bother me if on my wedding day I'd never so much as kissed a woman, no regrets or anything.
Ever since I came out to a few of my (straight female) friends, who happen to enjoy matchmaking (at my request, they're not pushy!) I've told them I'm not really looking for a relationship with someone female, even though I am attracted to women, just because I know I want to end up with a man, so why bother having a relationship with a woman at all?
A few days ago, though, I started thinking more about that, and my reasoning behind it. The term 'bisexual' is something I've never really felt fully defined me (and I know labels are a personal thing, and I completely respect anyone who chooses not to use them, but I like them for myself) even though it should, because I am attracted to both men and women. And I wouldn't consider myself to be pansexual, either, and given my attraction to women, definitely not homosexual.
I'd never really considered Homoromanticism as something that could apply to me until a few days ago, because I've had crushes on girls when I was younger, and these were long, like for 18 months or so. Then again, these crushes tended to be on the prettiest girl in the class, and they tended to develop because she'd shown me some kindness or been my friend (I don't have a lot of friends lol) which made me wonder: did I really want a relationship with them, or was I just physically attracted to them and glad of their companionship when they were kind to me? But, does looking back on the past even matter anymore? Right now, I know I never ever want a romantic relationship with a woman, despite being physically attracted to women (that sounds weird, please don't think I mean I'm attracted to ALL women, I just mean in general that I have the capacity to be attracted to certain individuals) so can I say I'm Homoromantic? Or am I biromantic and just ignoring one half of myself because I prefer guys?
I know you can't literally tell me "you're this" or "you're that" but any guidance you could give me would be appreciated :) Sorry this is written so badly, I'm normally an okay writer but my head's in a weird place atm.
submitted by Dnas_Lhydillew_Ifre to lgbt [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 20:02 DeltaBot Deltas awarded in "CMV: It is not transphobic for a cis gay or cis straight person to not want to da...

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submitted by DeltaBot to DeltaLog [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 19:44 Technomancer_AO What am I?

Hi. So I’m new here. I think judging by the title it’s easy to guess that this is about questioning my (sexuality?? Identity?? Orientation??). So when I was 12 or 13 (I’m currently 21) or so I realized that I’m attracted to both men and women. I came out to my very religious family that I was bisexual, and was promptly met with being forced to break up with my then girlfriend and not being allowed to contact her ever again and nightly Christian podcasts with my mom about how being gay is wrong and had to listen to my mom follow all these podcasts’ steps on curing me of “the gay.” From that point forward I tried to convince myself that I’m only attracted to men. Outside of one relationship with a girl, I’ve only dated men and have only had sexual relationships with men despite finding women attractive and wanting romantic relationships with them. I was 15 or so when I realized that I’m maybe not just attracted to either cisgender men or cisgender women. I found myself crushing pretty hard in high school for a short time on someone who is a trans man. The sentiment was never returned, but needless to say I was head over heels for him. I was aware that he is trans because he was comfortable sharing his experiences and his story with our class, and the whole thing left me a little confused for a time because I was so busy trying to convince myself that I was straight. Outside of having a crush on a classmate who is trans, I’ve never really met or been around very many trans people; I live in a really conservative rural area and there aren’t many openly LGBTQ+ people here.
I came out to my closest friends about being demisexual about a year ago. It was the first time that I really felt like I had a word to describe how I feel about sexual relationships with people and while I had to do a lot of explaining about how I’m not attracted to people in a physical or sexual manner but rather I’m attracted to deep emotional connections, everyone I came out to was very supportive and very open and understanding. I also had a conversation with a close friend around that time stating that I was struggling with the idea that I may be attracted to more than just cisgender men and that I don’t think someone’s gender really affects how I feel about them romantically, but that I felt like I had no choice but to repress these feelings due to my extremely homophobic and transphobic family. She told me that she personally was fine with it and didn’t see me any differently and that even if I felt like I had to repress how I feel around family, she wanted me to know that however I felt, it was okay for me to talk about it and be myself around her. It was the first time that I truly felt validated and like I didn’t have to hide anything.
I decided to post this here because I had a conversation with a close friend who is pansexual this morning about how I’ve been repressing my feelings and how I often find myself attracted to (or kind of drawn to I guess) people of all genders, and we also had a lighthearted conversation about people of all genders that we found to be good looking or that had traits that appeal to us. He encouraged me to reach out to LGBTQ+ support groups so that I could find a way to identify my feelings and figure out exactly who I am in a healthy manner.
I don’t really know what I identify as I guess. Am I pansexual? Am I bisexual? Am I really just straight and merely curious? I really don’t know.
submitted by Technomancer_AO to pansexual [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 17:56 SpareTesticle I (32m) asked my ex-fiance (35f) to be my girlfriend

TL;DR: I realised the only way to truly date properly was to make sure it really was over with my ex. So I asked her out again.
This is not a break up post. It's a celebration post.
She and I broke up last year around this time. She'd already been sleeping away from home. The relationship wasn't working. She left.
So I try to date again...after a few months. I joined Grindr and Tinder and Hinge. I was really hoping to have a great life without her, permanently. So I go on a few dates (somehow only with women). When the sex happened it was so much more exciting, yet I still couldn't be satisfied. I end things because I realise I could hurt this nice lady with the toxins of my past.
I thought not to date anyone till I was sure I wouldn't mess them up.
Because Corona I really wanted to touch somebody. Intimately. It's lonely living alone. Really lonely. So I go back online fully intending to get laid. But still, I was thinking of my ex.
It really dawned on me today I really just wanted to date one person, my ex. It bothered me to date anyone else because I knew where my heart was. I slept with one woman, even though I'm bisexual. And she wasn't even looking for a relationship. I was.
I'm actually gonna try date my ex again. Yes, she has a boyfriend. No, I'm not changed (except surprisingly kinder, more attentive, more mindful). It's a recession. I'm lucky to have a job, let alone plan a date and give her the attention I really wanna give whomever I call my girlfriend.
My foray into dating led me to realise I've gotta try date this one until I'm done. She either wants me back or she doesn't. I need to know I tried. I want to date knowing I really want to date you. Right now, I want to date her. And if she wants to date me again, I wanna be committed this time. Commitment is more than not getting caught cheating, it's being fully present in a relationship.
I'm happy to have learnt this lesson. I'm gonna apply it to anyone I seriously pursue. It's fair to me and to the people I could date but not really be present for. So that's one less emotionally unavailable person online. One more person going for what really matters
EDIT Thank you to all the useful feedback. What I've learnt is that while love songs about getting your ex back are cute, it doesn't look good in real life.
Edit: Google also sent this my way. I really get it now https://youtu.be/_WOVHDQo360
submitted by SpareTesticle to datingoverthirty [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 17:55 ireactions For me, calling for Kate is untenable with Javicia Leslie hired

I wanted Kate Kane recast, preferably with Wallis Day. I was very active in social media calling for a reversal to the decision to replace Kate with a new character. But now that the new character will be played by Javicia Leslie, a brilliant actress and a hyperathletic woman -- I find it untenable and insensitive for me to continue advocating for a recast Kate Kane. To me, calling for Kate Kane's return now is calling for a terrific black woman to be traded back for a white girl and that's not something I can do.
Narratively, Kate's unfinished arcs call for a recast to complete them in Season 2. Switching to a new character is jarring and nonsensical. I want Kate Kane. But. I also want black women and girls to be able to see someone who looks like them playing superheroes and representing an aspirational ideal of human achievement and ability.
I didn't imagine BATWOMAN being that show with that lead, but now that it is, it feels selfish to demand that BATWOMAN withdraw what it wants to offer this astonishingly underserved, underrepresented demographic. Excepting BLACK LIGHTNING, the CW superhero lineup is painfully Caucasian across the board. I really wanted a recast, but I see now that the BATWOMAN creators, having lost Ruby Rose (who quit a 5 - 7 year contract), saw a chance to challenge the overly white image of their properties.
I don't want a Season 2 that doesn't have Kate Kane (in my head, played by Wallis Day) confronting her father, Alice, resolving her situation with Julia and Sophie, mentoring Parker and deepening her partnership with Mary and Luke. But Javicia Leslie commands the camera so compellingly and is so much fun that she might make me stop thinking about through the sheer force of her charisma and make me enjoy her onscreen to the point where Kate's absence isn't as painful.
I can't refuse to be supportive of a bisexual woman of colour as a superhero lead in an ongoing TV series. I don't support BATWOMAN without Kate Kane, but I do support Javicia Leslie, so what it comes down to is that BATWOMAN's casting decision here has outmaneuvered my resistance.
I wasn't going to watch Season 2. But my wish for Kate to be the star of BATWOMAN is overruled by my wish to see black women succeed. Javicia Leslie deserves a chance to win me over as Batwoman in BATWOMAN.
A strictly personal opinion, but it seems to be Ruby Rose's opinion too and if Kate Kane supports her being replaced by a new character of colour and an amazing talent like Leslie, I feel okay with getting on board with that for now. If the writing is as good as the average to above average quality of Season 1, I will accept it. I am disappointed to lose Kate, but for Javicia Leslie, I will swallow my frustration -- which is probably what the BATWOMAN creators were counting on with its audience.
Well played, Dries and Berlanti.
submitted by ireactions to BatwomanTV [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 11:16 JoffreyIthePurple Introduction and coming to terms with my sexuality

So... I’ve been a pansexual (though, I thought of myself as bisexual until fairly recently learning that pansexual exists) since birth. Unless you are conservative, then I “timed out” because I couldn’t decide which sexuality door to choose or my internet connection was spotty (which being early ‘80s that decision was “made”, but I don’t feel “pan”. I’ve been in a monogamous straight marriage for twenty years, so the closest I get to my “pan” side is wishing I was Daenerys in her wedding night scene rather than Khal Drogo (though not a fan of rape fantasies, not going into now for length reasons)(though, probably a lot of straight men felt that, but have to watch four hours of “teen” and “stepsister” porn to wash out the horribly tempting thought of Jason Momoa having his way with you. (Slight Tangent, how in the fuck do straight people find gay male sex so disturbing they want to vomit like the end of crying game, but think it’s totally fine to have sex with a relative or someone way younger, just over the legal age of consent. I think it would make way more sense to have pray the “straight” away camps. The world would be a much better place.)
Generally, not having sex, outside of Hetero-normative sex for twenty years I never really felt comfortable claiming my sexuality. I haven’t really had the normal issues that LBTGQ people have experienced, even growing up, being pan generally is easier unless you get unlucky with the people you expose your non-cis side, and I happened to be fortunate with that. I always thought that I was unique, because I didn’t think like a straight male. It wasn’t until I started seeing articles that pointed out how strange and fucked up straight thinking is (especially male) that I realized that I wasn’t unique, I was just hanging around in a world I didn’t belong in, because I passed for them.
Straight male thinking is the main problem with the world today.
Not wearing a mask, because you might look weak / gay.
Thinking you have to hit on all women so they don’t think your gay.
All they seem to do is worry that others might think they are gay, and that their minds are so weak that by mere thought they will become ... what’s that word? Oh yeah. Gay. They think about being gay more than we do.
They go out with thin women, when they like thick, because they care more about what their friends think about them than their own desires.
If they weren’t the assholes that make it hard for LBTGQ, I’d really feel bad for them. Think about how shitty they are, a horror story for them is an amazing night of sex with a beautiful woman, it gets ruined, why? Already married, no that would be okay. Turns out she’s underage or a relative, judging by their porn choices that can’t be it. STD, no. She was born in the wrong gender? Ding, ding, ding... It makes them physically ill. I think the character in the Crying Game would have felt better if they caught HIV instead. How fucked up do we raise boys?
Edit replaced cis with the more correct term straight.
submitted by JoffreyIthePurple to pansexual [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 10:17 carolinecaloway July 9 - 11

Hi bb’s!
The following list of links will be our ‘write-up’ for the foreseeable future. If you have any links to include, please comment and tag one of the mods (u/jawsthemesongplays ; u/sweetandsourchicken ; u/foshizzlemylizzle) or send a message to mod mail. Hoping we can keep the list growing! The mods and co-mods want to thank everyone for all their contributions. You all have created such a great community here, and we’re glad to be part of it!

Current Off Topic Chat Thread
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The Fallen Bookshelf


Beauty 2 the Streetz
Shirley is a beacon of hope in LAʼs ever-increasing homeless population. Every Saturday, rain or shine, she and her team come out to share a hot home-cooked meal, conversation, and most importantly connection. Between herself, her team, friends, family, and the kindness of strangers Shirley is able to not only feed 400 plus people but also offer showers, hair wash and color, make-up, wigs, and most importantly, connection.

The Buy from a Black Woman Directory
Your online resource for discovering businesses owned and operated by Black Women Business Owners.
Find a business owned by a black woman:

The Glam Hunter
A plant-based (cruelty-free and vegan), all natural, and ethically sourced soap and skincare brand with products formulated for extremely sensitive skin.

The Lip Bar
A vegan and cruelty-free beauty brand that exists to help change the way you think about beauty. Every day people are being told how to be beautiful - so we’re here to remind you that you don’t have to change. You Are Enough!

Source Booksellers
An independent bookstore in Detroit’s Midtown district, is a unique niche of non-fiction books. We offer books and unusual sideline items that enhance your life and your lifestyle. We are looking to serve our customers online until we can be full time back in the shop.

A bookstore and gallery space dreamed up and owned by Danni Mullen, a Black woman on the north side of Chicago.

UK Black Owned Businesses
The official one-stop directory for Black-Owned businesses throughout the United Kingdom.


This is a pretty extensive list from Indivisible for white people to educate themselves on a variety of issues concerning becoming anti-racist and supporting the movement. tons of different mediums represented for all types of learners! (FYI--the shorter link they listed does not lead to this document. I recommend using a tinyurl if you need to shorten for the master list.)

Here’s a master doc with a bunch of funds you can donate to:

Here is a link to a master list of black revolutionary, queer, feminist texts. Also, please read up on the abolition of police forces, prisons, and capitalism. There are hundreds of free resources being shared all over social media at the moment. Grab this opportunity to learn!

Here is a link to a database of resources for Vancouver, Canada. The link includes resources, petitions, donation links, Black-owned businesses, support forums, printable protest posters, and more.


Black Visions Collective
An organization dedicated to Black liberation

George Floyd Memorial Fund
Established to cover funeral and burial expenses, mental and grief counselling, lodging and travel for all court proceedings, and to assist his family in the days to come as they continue to seek justice for George.

Lake Street
A small business community with many BIPOC owned businesses. It has been heavily affected by the current situation in Minneapolis. Lake Street Council’s mission is to help rebuild the community and storefronts that have been affected. As Martin Luther King Jr. stated, ‘A riot is the language of the unheard.’

The Minnesota Freedom Fund
Pays bail for those arrested while protesting police brutality against the Black community in order to prevent incarceration and combat racial economic inequalities in the bail system.

Northstar Health Collective
A street medic collective on the ground in Minneapolis providing urgent medical care and support to protesters. Contains a much more extensive list of specific relief funds.

Pimento Relief Fund
Providing Black business with insurance relief after white supremacists set them on fire during the protests.

Reclaim the Block
Demands Minneapolis divest from policing

West Broadway Business and Area Coalition (WBC) in partnership with Northside Funders Group will direct all donations to support Northside businesses that have been impacted by COVID-19 and the recent uprising.


The Audre Lorde Project
A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Two Spirit, Trans and Gender Non Conforming People of Color center for community organizing, focusing on the New York City area. Through mobilization, education and capacity-building, we work for community wellness and progressive social and economic justice. Committed to struggling across differences, we seek to responsibly reflect, represent and serve our various communities.

Splits donations across organizations dismantling racism

Bail Project
Pays bail for people in need

Campaign Zero
Looking for policy solutions to end police brutality

Color of Change
We design campaigns powerful enough to end practices that unfairly hold Black people back, and champion solutions that move us all forward. Until justice is real.

The Equal Justice Initiative
An organization committed to ending mass incarceration and excessive punishment in the United States, to challenging racial and economic injustice, and to protecting basic human rights for the most vulnerable people in American society.

The mission of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) is to secure the political, educational, social, and economic equality of rights in order to eliminate race-based discrimination and ensure the health and well-being of all persons.

The NAACP Legal Defense Fund
American legal firm fighting for racial justice

National Bail Out
Ending Pretrial Detention and Reuniting Families

The Okra Project
The Okra Project provides mental health funds for black trans community.

Southern Poverty Law Center
The SPLC is dedicated to fighting hate and bigotry and to seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of our society. Using litigation, education, and other forms of advocacy, the SPLC works toward the day when the ideals of equal justice and equal opportunity will be a reality.

Stand with Bre
On March 13th, in the middle of the night, Breonna Taylor was killed by Louisville police. An aspiring nurse, she had dedicated her whole life to serving others. Until her death Breonna had been working as an EMT in Louisville when the coronavirus pandemic hit, working at two hospitals to save lives in her community. She and her family deserve justice—Join us in this fight and #StandWithBre!

Stop the Violence
Look on FB for your community’s “stop the violence” group!
Facebook Homepage here:


Black Cultural Archives
Black Cultural Archives is the only national heritage centre dedicated to collecting, preserving and celebrating the histories of African and Caribbean people in Britain.

Institute of Race Relations
An anti-racist Think Tank

The Monitoring Group
Tackles racism by means of education and awareness

Operation Black Vote
Focuses on the Black Democratic deficit in the UK

The Runnymede Trust
Race equality and relations Think Tank

Stand Against Racism and Inequality
Provides support and education in diversity awareness

Show Racism the Red Card
Provides educational workshops and resources

Southall Black Sisters
Empowers BME women to escape violent situations

Stand up to Racism
Organises marches and campaigns against racism

The Stephen Lawrence Charitable Trust
Tackling inequality and helping young people

Stopwatch UK
Working to ensure fair and accountable policing


Clean out Prisons
To prevent more deaths in custody, governments must immediately release all First Nations people and all Parole and bail authorities must show mercy. This is the only way we can protect the community and imprisoned people from COVID-19. Strong and united, we have a list of urgent demands for governments to prevent COVID-19 black deaths in custody. We are calling on Governments to #CleanOutPrisons by releasing First Nations people before it’s too late. Join us, please sign and share our petition.

End Aboriginal Deaths in Custody
Help Tanya Day’s family honour the legacy of their mother. Sign up now to send a message to the Victorian Government to change Victoria’s destructive public drunkenness laws and create genuine community health alternatives to incarceration.

Free Our Future
Add your name to the petition demanding that our government stops punishing people who can’t make ends meet. We call on all sides of politics to commit to strong and self-determined Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities.

Link Collection
A list of Indigenous led, community-recommended NGOs

Pay the Rent
This website serves a Pay The Rent scheme being organised by First Nations and non-First Nations people working together, who together are called the Pay The Rent Grassroots Collective. This collective is based in what is now known as Victoria, and expects to largely disperse rent collected in this area.


Black Lives Matter
Links to petitions, funds and resources

Black Women’s Blueprint
Looks at black liberation through a feminist lens

The Movement for Black Lives
An international human rights movement
submitted by carolinecaloway to SmolBeanSnark [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 08:23 Chiss_Navigator Let's talk about "femininity"!

Hello there!
I'd like to talk about femininity as when it comes to this word and how I see it being used particularly in recent years, I can't help but be a little bit confused about which direction it's all heading. I was born in 1993, grew up in the northeast region of the United States, am likely viewed as a feminist by most people, and consider myself to be asexual (think the opposite of bisexual in that I have no history of attraction to men or women). I'm stating this because I understand these things might have had an impact on my views on this topic.
Not too long ago on a different non-black specific forum it was asked "what does femininity feel like and mean to you?" My response was:
I usually take it as a word commonly used to denote items or attributes delegated to and as a result associated with the female sex in any given culture. Despite being a woman, I find little to no use for the term and see it as an antiquated byproduct of the patriarchy to act alongside masculinity. With that sort of backdrop, femininity (with few exceptions) was sculpted by a global culture that views members of the female sex as inherently less than in the societal hierarchy.
As a result, many men try very hard to distance themselves from cultural femininity as much as possible because they do not want to be seen as of a lesser value than their other male counterparts. Meanwhile, women who stray from cultural femininity are more likely to be seen as a threat for anything from learning how to read to becoming the leader of a nation to not being attracted to men.
Like most people, I think various aspects of me could be grouped into "masculine" or "feminine" but I really see no point in doing so. Femininity to me doesn't feel like anything, it is just a descriptor defined by cultural ideals and is completely external free to pull from or discard as I please minus the key component of being of the female sex. This will automatically cause society at large to view me according to my proximity to the feminine cultural ideal.
When it comes to other matters such as personality, interests, and style, technically anyone can express themselves how they please. When I was younger, I simply took "feminine" and "femininity" to mean "the state of being female" or "the expression of a woman." So even if I cut off all my hair, wore tuxedos everyday, bathed in axe body spray, and slept with a football in my arms, this would simply be my own brand of femininity. It is feminine because it is coming from a female person, not something that is measured against a cultural standard. By femininity and masculinity being entirely individualized on this basis, it gets close to being objectively useless which I think is why it was essentially absent from my vocabulary growing up.
I wonder if there will ever come a time when this becomes the popular interpretation of the term.
I've noticed that there is at the very least an online trend when it comes to black women speaking about maximizing on their femininity. I recognize that in the western cultural context, the feminine ideal at its core is a white women who is whatever shape that is most popular that decade. It seems that lots of black women feel they are hideous because they cannot realistically attain this look. More than that, black women historically have been ushered away or excluded from personalities and styles that are the feminine ideal often stereotyped to come off as "rough" or "man-ish" or "angry" that even in the modern day can categorize them as "the other."
In addition to this I've noticed that at the very least in the online world, many black women view themselves as undesirable because of this especially if they are heterosexual. Any day of the week I can probably find a black woman online anxious about various black men she knows dating, marrying, being attracted to, or respecting light skinned black women, other women of color, or white women to a greater degree than darker skinned black women. I think it has also been statistically proven that black women and asian men are seen as the least desirable groups of people in the world of sex, dating, and general attraction. For those that are drawn to this feminine ideal, this seeming lack of access tends to be distressing which explains the existence of "black femininity YouTube."
With all of that in mind my questions are:
  1. What does femininity mean to you?
  2. Do you think masc/fem classifications are good/necessary?
  3. Do you think ideas of femininity (and masculinity) are evolving?
submitted by Chiss_Navigator to BlackGirlDiaries [link] [comments]

2020.07.09 07:48 Ki-RBT Any bisexuals who feel like comp het is still a big influence?

I've known I am bisexual since I was roughly 13 or 14, and cognitively I never had a problem with that. If anything, as a teenager I might've over-played my attraction to women (I'm AFAB) as some sort of signaling.
But I've mostly dated men. Or, that is, I thought I was dating men. It turns out I've only ever dated one person who is completely cis and gender-conforming, but for most of my past partners I didn't know until later.
This is interesting to me in hindsight, but I never enjoyed sex very much. I have a fairly high libido but I always preferred masturbating and had a hard time "getting anywhere" with a partner.
Somewhat recently I had my first experience with someone who was female-presenting (though AMAB) and I think my mind was a little bit blown. I know partially it's romantic and platonic feelings I have for that person, but I legitimately was shocked at how nice the experience was on the whole.
So now I'm a bit concerned if it's possible I'm exclusively attracted to women, and that somehow everything I've felt for men/masc folks in the past was just comp het? It doesn't really make sense because the cis man I was with, was earlier this year and I was definitely interested. I've definitely been interested in the past also. But...
Well, I'm thinking about it a lot. I think I'm still bi, but this is definitely throwing me for a loop.
Has anyone else been struggling with this? As far as I can tell I don't have any real internalized homophobia, but looking back there are a lot of signs that comp het might be an influence, if only in terms of making me think I was more attracted to men than women.
submitted by Ki-RBT to comp_het [link] [comments]


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